WHO AM I

Hi, Ai! How are you? May peace be upon you. I'm writing this letter here because, I'm not ready yet to confess all I'm about to say right now. But since I've just got some insights and advices from a very nice sister, Janet, I don't want all of these to be just forgotten right away. So, here is what I will probably say to you, maybe sometime in the future.

So the thing is I told Janet problems you are facing related to someone you tell me that you adore so much. And why I was confident enough to share the story with her is because she's majoring in psychology and she will be graduating soon, so she must have learned a lot about psychology and can give some academic perspective toward your problem.

G started all the stories. He said that you are so obsessed with your prince, Aj. I had no intention to join the conversation at first, but since she was actively asking and I felt she wasn't going to judge negatively, I started to give my opinions about you.

G said that Aj was disturbed so much to the point that he hated Islam because of you. I just knew that fact at that moment, and I was shocked. And, I'm not ready yet to tell you this. G said that Aj had a difficult life because you always spamming him. G said when Aj blocked you, you started to tell negative things about him. That drove him crazy. He had no idea about what you actually want from him. Aj even said that he didn't want to get married, especially to muslimah. I have a feeling that G might be overreacting a lot, gave an overdose amount of story seasoning.

This, all these facts, what I want to ask you is, don't you feel guilty towards him? How scary have you affected his life? I mean, he suffered a lot because of you, yet you still call everything you've done is because you like him, you love him.

Janet guessed that the reason you have an obsession is because you still can't find happiness or affection that you need. You must question yourself, what is actually you're demanding from him? Can't you fulfill that demand by yourself? You need to realize that, actually you don't need other to make you feel contented.

And, I have ever asked you this question right? And you said that, you love the way Aj treat you badly. I mean, what? You said by yourself that maybe you are a masochist. But, I just can't get the idea.

And Janet also said that your hobby watching drama which is full of imagination might be one factor that makes you slower to detach from this problem. And also, maybe you're not mentally mature yet. Your act is still based on impulse, like a kid who still don't know so many things, a kid will be easily triggered with how people react to you and choose your action based on instant impulse.

Janet kept repeating that your current situation is not healthy for your mental health. I guess, your situation need some extra treatments and it's very urgent. But I don't know how.

I hope you'll be getting well soon. Janet said that the best thing for me to do now as a friend is, to just be available beside you, hearing all your stories, and slowly when it comes the right time, I give some suggestions to make you think. Please Ai. I hope the best for you.