WHO AM I

I used to have that FOMO reaction, feeling highly uneasy looking how far I left behind. But ever since I accept that life is not a race, that we should only compare ourselves to the previous version of us, I no longer pressure myself to those before 30 standards.

Yet, lately, I was wondering. Why does it seem so difficult for me to actually open up myself and start finding a life partner? 

I ever discussed this matter once with my father. He said, as a woman, your fitrah is to just wait and prepare. If I follow that saying, then I should not be worrying right, since I'm already on the right track. 

Besides, life partner is also one kind of rizq that Allah has promises to give me on the right time and place. I don't violate any rules nor I do something wrong, so why should I feel like being judged by the society for not fulfilling their expectations?

Nonetheless, I'm not gonna lie, that in this age, I start to long for having a life partner. Sometimes, it surges that I desperately want someone and question why no one within my criteria seems to approach me? Is it my criteria that are too demanding or is it just not the time yet?

Then, this Instagram story written by Kak Atika Almira somehow appeared and made me reflect and realize, that maybe... those high-quality men out there, that are within my criteria, are still struggling to start settling their career. I look at myself and understand, maybe they don't feel confident yet to start a family, in this economy. How many youths under 30 have actually had everything settled and figured out?

In starting a family, I'm looking for someone that not only can lead and provide me, but also support my dream. How many out there have had that already by 25 years old, without receiving financial and other support from family to speed up the process?