WHO AM I

I understood that I should be listening to Quran recitation to calm myself down. Yet, I felt my brain totally against that. So, I listened to one of SMCU Song titled Where You Are while massaging my eyebrows.

Suddenly, my tears fell down like a waterfall. My brain recalled the memory when I gave a massage for my mom the week before. And the news of Raisa's mom passed away made me frustrated even worse.

My parents are getting old. I still can't drive car, not married, and can't afford to pay them hajj pilgrimage. And because of my busy work, sometimes I don't pay enough attention for them.

I don't want to repeat the same mistake. During my uni era, I was super busy with many kinds of activities that I rarely had quality time to spend with my grandma. She was never tired to always start a conversation with me, even though I responded with no enthusiasm.

She used to be an active grandma when her eyes and legs were still functioning well. She would read newspapers in the morning, watching Metro TV editorial, gardening, and did lots of prayers. However ever since her mobility was very limited, she began to lose the excitement to live. Slowly, her memory weakened, that she would ask the same question repeatedly. She even said from time to time, "Why does it take so long for Allah to take my life?".

Now, I still have both my mom and dad. I should be filial right and not repeat the same mistake, right. But, I'm not sure how...

Ugh I'm crying again now😭