So, long story short, I watched a YouTube video where Fathia told her story. She said that finding the right person means, that even though you've always been scared by marriage, when you're with him, you suddenly feel like... you want a marriage. It's just so funny to experience that your perspective towards marriage changes like a magic. Not only you really want it, but also makes you feel ready to face it. 

When that sentences went into my ears, I felt like, (I know that it's over exaggerating), the gloomy days went away as the dark clouds were blown by those sentences 😅

And don't forget, that you will be adulting together with him through all the ups and downs. You're not alone and be the only one who try to stand with that commitment. He will also be there besides you, go through the same struggle. Marriage is a teamwork, not a solo game for you to deal with by yourself.

And those lingering thoughts just happened to occur not long after I had my English Class with Kak Alifa, our Cakap Teacher. She brought us to discuss the question as stated in the picture above. You guys know what? When I read that question, I had no hesitation to choose directly my answer, which is getting married.

At that time, I was in a state of feeling ultimately scared with a relationship tie called marriage (fyi, dating before marriage is not available in my life dictionary). I just heard some cases of unhappy marriages, in real life, with all their complicated problems, which I thought should have been able to be avoided if only both parties have a strong understanding to each other, the same vision from the beginning, and enough pre-marital, parenting, and Islamic knowledge. Oh and also understand the true reason why a couple should marry and build a family. (But then I realized that problems will always occur as time goes by without you can have a try out first)

I further explain the reason why I felt that it will be so difficult for me to handle. It's because I think it will be a really hard task to get accustomed to each other, to get to know lots of new family members, to get used with their habits, and other things which maybe I haven't discovered yet. And on top of that, I need to learn so much new things which I think I'm not ready for it yet. To sum up, I will have to change a lot of things. And I just feel like, that tie is a really heavy decision to make since it will be a commitment that should be maintained till Jannah. For other options available, I thought it would still probably considerably okay because, anyway, it will only impact me. But marriage? Whew, it will be just another level play.

I was questioned by my teacher and my classmate when I answered that. And I repeated my answer. I also added that, "I think losing my job will also make me frustrated. But I don't think that will be as difficult as getting married?" 

Then, my classmate, Ilham said, "I agree with you that, okay, of course, getting married will change a lot of aspects in your life and you will probably feel uncomfortable about that. But please do remember, that you will go through those problems with your loved ones, your dear partner. So I think, that wouldn't be as difficult or as scary as you might think,"

And after that ... I felt like, what kind of mindset towards marriage did I have these times? It made me realized that, it is proven that I still lack of knowledge related to Islam. That I still need to learn more, so much. Whew...

Remember, you won't be alone. You will suffer together and...who knows? What people see it as a couple struggling, actually they're enjoying their own world, with those spices? Hmmm what a deep overthinking is this.. while I haven't even notice anyone to be the one nor I like someone at the moment wkwk

But I know for sure, those considerations that were built on my brain due to watching and reading new perspectives towards marriage are also important to take into account. You should also take time to think, compare, and understand it all till you feel ready.

And now, I started to think losing money would be the hardest 😂 because to make lots of good deeds, to help lots of people, we will always need money. But I still think that money will always come anyway as long as I work hard and intend to make use of it for good deed, since I have Allah with me. I don't know why, but I just feel confident that I will not suffer just because of money...? Is this weird to believe and rely to Allah this way? Wkwk I don't know...

So, in conclusion, I learned a new thing from Fathia, which is the sign of the time when you probably meet your partner wanna be. I also learned from Ilham that a marriage is a teamwork done with your loved ones, so you will never have to carry all the burdens and responsibilities alone. But before that, still, I need to implement lessons learned from Gitasav, which is to understand and prepare myself first in order to be together with someone whom I still don't know yet. Because, even if you feel like you have met the one, but you're not prepared yet, you still don't own enough knowledge, then it means you're not ready. You should not force something just because you think you will lose the chance if you don't catch it now when in fact, you don't even prepare the resources to live with that decision.

Ok let's go back to focus on your thesis, Alfa! Don't get distracted easily anymore!! You still have so much to do...