Three nights in a row, I cried alone in the room. Yes, I was not quite happy to get appointed for attending this training. I also knew from the start that my presence was not something they expected—yet I could also feel they understood the reason behind my delegation as well. 

We, as the team sent, couldn't solve the problems right away as we are not from the engineering team in charge, but more like of an IT support. Yet, we still did our best to help in identifying the problem and bridging the issue to the real IT team.

Nevertheless, I still fulfilled the duty. No matter how suck my technical skill is, how unconfident myself is, I still did it. I understood, this task is part of the reason I get paid for by my company. As an adult, if it's still doable and no valid reason to withdraw, then I shouldn't be hiding.

I knew our presence there was expected to explain technical issues happened during the training. As a designer not handling the technical stuff, my lead did give me space so that I could fully focus discovering the problems to the best I could. I was genuinely thankful to have my other tasks got suspended for a while. That way, I could tell the maintenance team the problem clearly. I also had to follow up the progress of that issue solving periodically, ask the root cause, and get the estimated solving time so that I could confidently explain it at the evaluation session.

The pressure was so high: handling a technical heavy task I'm not familiar with and being the representative of my company along with 2 new employees. I felt like being the frontliner responsible for something I don't even understand fully nor know the level of complexity to understand the urgency. I couldn't estimate anything so that I felt to have no control on the task. Yet, the client trust me more as they knew me earlier.

That's when I learnt a new thing about myself. I do have GRIT: Growth, Resilience, Integrity, and Tenacity. I'm aware very consciously that I'm not smart in this task, yet I still showed up even when I didn't know if I could handle it. I let myself grow, embraced the burden and pressure, explained the situation transparently, and showed sincerely that I wouldn't give up and be responsible by giving all effort I could.

I could feel that on the last day, they notice the good intention I tried to show them. I was very happy to notice that. I knew their situation is not that good either having to present 'unstable' system to get the buy in from officials. But, I couldn't help much as well.

From that experience I learned that unwanted situations will keep coming to us periodically as life trials. And it's totally uncomfortable to walk through that path. You may find your head about to explode or maybe find yourself crying.

After passing that trial, I feel that myself grow stronger and be more confident to tackle bigger problems in the future. That feeling to be nervous is just normal even for experienced people. That's just a sign that you deeply care about the success of that thing.

So, if you believe the good benefit and goal of successfully passing that uncomfortable trial, your job is to just keep moving. Believe that Allah actually just want to see whether you trust His plan or not. Allah has actually provided the solution. Don't worry too much. Don't give burden to yourself by saying that you must be successful. Instead, tell yourself that you want to be successful and you will give the best. But if the other way happen, then it's what Allah wants. So let it be. Just follow Allah's scenario. You will be just fine😌